Liberation: My Quest to Find True Freedom

yeh

I can't believe i even remembered the password for my site. It's been so long. months. But here I am. 18 and a month away from college. And overall...this year...my senior year...it's been surreal. Full of new experiences and challenges. I fell in love and truly realized what it means to love someone regardless the price. I tested my limits. I experimented with some dumb lifestyles. I had my heart broken. I lost the ability to trust. I learned a new kind of independence...and the ability to survive without anyone else. I am a stronger person because of what I've faced this year. And I'm ready to face whatever college throws at me. Never have I been so ready for a fresh start. Ready to leave behind these bittersweet memories, constant reminders of the past, stereotypical ideas of who I am according to everyone else, and the limits I myself place on who I am...and who I can become.

Father, I need you and your peace. I need the fulfillment that you bring. I need your passion in my life. I need to allow you to take control. Father, I am desperate for your love. Fill me.

My life is so crazy. Sometimes I can't even breathe. I suffocate under the pressures, the expectations, the busyness of the life around me. I am desperate. And I crave Truth. I need Jesus.

Time has flown by.

Much has changed, but God has stayed true and so has this truth:

Truth is freedom.

And this is forever my solace: seeking to know the heart of God.

I'm back and I'll be updating shortly.

Father, what do i say when i know i'm following my own heart and not Yours? And what do I say when my heart is the one I want to follow? Yet there's still this ache within me that knows Your heart is the one who will make me fulfilled. Lord, your Kingdom requires sacrafices...radical sacrafices. And sometimes sacraficing my desires burns. It hurts. It tears me up.

Abba...I do not deserve to be Your child. I fear the decisions I make will only disappoint you.

Father, draw me to you. I feel myself slipping back into the ways that once separated me from you. Help me to do your will. Help me to follow you. Renew me Father. I need you. Help me choose what you want over the fickle emotions of my heart. What you want is more powerful, more important, more true than the anger, or love i feel right now.

God, everyday I'm amazed by the reality of the world around me. We all ask, "where is God in all of this?". But I was reminded this week, "where isn't God in all of this?". Even in the darkest place, there is hope. Perhaps we don't always see God, because we don't want to. God is God...He can't be contained. As humans, we so often but a box around who we want Him to be...but He's everywhere. Take a look around. Is that a christian song playing on the airwaves of 107.1? Is that the sun rising yet again this morning?